Ok class, today's topic is... wait for it... curved wangs. Do I have everybody's attention? Good. Let's begin.
Now, I've had the pleasure of knowing a handful (no pun intended) of penises in my day (though never all at once) — some short, some long, one uncut, etc. But I've only come across (again, no pun intended) one that really broke the mold. It sprang from his boxer briefs and, fully hard, curved rather majestically and unapologetically to the left. Well, my left, so his right. It was fun to play with but I have to admit that we didn't actually have sex, so I can only imagine what it feels like to have a large member insistently poking at one side of your vaginal wall. Probably feels pretty good, now that I think about it.
Now, my man has a somewhat curvy cock, reaching upwards toward the ceiling in a neat little arc. When I told him about the aforementioned listing penis, and that it listed so dramatically to the guy's right side, he drove himself nigh on nuts trying to find photos of similar looking cocks on the interwebs. But he had a really hard time. And then he found this very scientific poll, which
you can see full size here:
Voila! Only 5% curve to the right! Mystery solved.
Anyway, further research turned up the following tasty bits which curve every which way. For your edification, let's discover the depth and breadth of diversity in the wide world of curvy johnsons.
The dick above looks pretty much exactly like the one I encountered in San Francisco lo these many years ago. Here's another angle:
This guys falls squarely in the rare 5% of right-leaning members, and it's a pretty fine specimen. This penis would require some creativity in terms of BJ technique, I think. Long, thick, graceful... Perfect form. Grade: A
Next!
Now, this guy also falls into the 5% of right-leaning cocks, but he's a little more casual about it, a little more nonchalant. The curve is a little more subtle, isn't it? Just towards the tip, which I imagine might do some very interesting things for your G-spot... It reminds me of my dildo, only the curve isn't on the up, it's to the side, and my dildo gives me enormous screaming orgasms, so I'm assuming this would feel pretty damn good, too. Here's a better view.
In general, a very nice specimen, with an attitude that isn't trying too hard. There's confidence in this cock - he knows what to do with himself and he knows you're going to enjoy it. Also, the guy is pretty cute. Also, this image appears courtesy of a site called PapiCock, which is fucking awesome. Grade: A
Next!
Now, this guy is not exactly my cup of tea (mostly because he looks like he's about 15), but there's just something so cute and plaintive about his dick. It's just staring at you with such a sweet, baleful expression. The curve is subtle - it's there, but not... intimidating. It's thick, but not too long. It's a highly approachable penis. Unfortunately for our purposes here today, not so curvy. Grade: B-
Next!
To borrow a phrase from my boyfriend, this guy looks like he could have sex with someone behind him with that thing. Holy shit! I'm terribly impressed with the length and curve of this penis, I really am. But I'd be intimidated as hell to have sex with it. I think I'd only be able to take about half of it... That being said, don't you just want to play with his balls? They look yummy. Grade: A+ (for the curve, of course)
Next!
A very sweetly curving penis. I would happily hike up my skirt and sit on that. But wait a minute....
What happened? Our lovely little left-leaning curve is gone. All it took was a little bit of gravity and, well, hmmm. Grade: C
Next!
Ok. I saw this image and had two thoughts: a) that's a really luscious looking (so smooth! so long!)
pene, and b) it has nothing in common with the rest of these curvy wangs -- it needs to be in its own post about... I don't know, diagonal wangs. I was about to give him the first failing grade of this post, which was going to break my heart because that thing is so very attractive. And then I saw this:
Lo and behold! It does indeed have something in common with its curved brethren above. This angle also gives you somewhat more of an eyeful in terms of its proper length. Hel-lo. I'm giving our friend here a solid B (extra credit for creative presentation).
Next!
Now, I saw this and just... wow. It's a Through the Looking Glass penis! You can have sex with it doggie style and it'll feel like it's missionary! Missionary would feel like doggie style! Sixty-nine would be a completely different experience! The mind boggles. Grade: A-
Next!
Fascinating. Hard to pin down. It curves to the right, but is it also curving up? Down? Depends on the photo. I can't decide if I'm charmed or put off by the boxers. Grade: B+ (extra credit for sense of humor)
Next!
I saved this guy for last because I think he's the hottest of the bunch. There may be some penises in this post with more impressive curves, but this is the one that made me feel all squishy in my undies. He's adorable. His cock isn't too big and isn't too small (and his porridge isn't too hold and it isn't too cold, I bet). Juicy balls. And his posture lying on soft pillows against the headboard makes me feel like I'm about to step into a pornographic version of the CB2 catalog. His dick isn't that curvy, but fuck it. Teacher's prerogative. Grade: A+
